Hey First-Years,
Welcome to the second installment of our Life at Barnard Blog Series: Being a Good Roommate! In college, you’ll spend a lot of time in the dorms. It doesn’t matter if you live on campus or not, you’ll most likely be hanging out friends, studying, and going to events in the dorm buildings. So let’s talk about how to be the friendly roommate, floor-mate, and neighbor that Mr. Rogers always wanted you to be.
The key to being a good roommate is communication. If something is bothering you, tell your roommate (you may think that’s it’s common sense, but in some cases sense isn’t that common). It can be that their music is too loud, they need to take out their trash, or that you would appreciate it if they were a little quieter in the morning while you’re still trying to sleep. Literally just talk to your roommate. You’d be surprised by the amount of people who have problems with their roommate simply because they don’t communicate with them.
In the first few days of NSOP, you and your roommate(s) will make a “roommate contract”. The contract is just setting a general list of guidelines for your room, like if you’ll leave your door unlocked or not, how you feel about sharing/borrowing each others items, how you let each other know if you have any guests coming over, and more. Talking about your feelings and thoughts on these topics up front can prevent a lot of confusion and annoyance down the line. We also highly recommend brainstorming on what your preferences are before this meeting! It’s good to be aware about what living style you prefer so that way you and your roommate(s) can effectively compromise, set boundaries, and come up with a solution that works for all.
While you can have expectations for others of what makes them a good roommate, remember that you also have to be aware of your actions. You could be sharing a space with 1-3 other people and it’s important to recognize that. You don’t have to completely change who you are in order to be a good roommate, but a few small steps can help prevent trouble. Here’s a few tips and tricks about how to be a solid roommate:- Keep your area clean, or at least try to
- If you went random for roommate matching, one of the things you and your roommates will have been matched on is how messy you are. Now just because you and your roommates have no problem with having it look like a tornado just hit your room, for health and sanitary reasons, it’s a good idea to clean your room every once in a while. Do your laundry and put your clothes away, straighten up your desk and bookshelves, empty out your trash into the larger trash bins outside your rooms, and for goodness’s sake, if you have a mini fridge, clean it out every once in while. Spoiled food is not a pleasant smell and will stink up your entire space. (Protip: Be cognizant of ALL smells) Also remember to clean the floors! Dirt, dust, hair, and debris collect on the floor and you’ll need to get rid of it. Vacuum cleaners are available at the front desk of dorm buildings, but since most of the rooms have tile floors, I personally like to use something like a Swiffer Sweeper with wet and dry cloths to clean the floor. It’s your responsibility to clean your room; no one will do it for you, so talk to your roommate(s) about how you’ll clean the space and who will buy what cleaning products.
- Be noise conscious
- While you may enjoy blasting your music while you study, that doesn’t fly with everyone. Use headphones if you want to jam out while working on a problem set. If you’re on the phone, you don’t need to yell every word. As a golden rule, always wear your headphones. These walls are THIN, people. If you feel the need to scream, may I suggest yelling into a subway tunnel as a train passes, à la The Bold Type? Just be aware of how much noise you’re making and how that could disrupt your room or floor-mates. You don’t need to be as silent as a mouse, just keep the noise level below that of a rock concert.
- Respect your roommate(s)
- Though we highly don't recommend putting a physical line down the middle of the room, treat it as if there actually is one. How do you do this? Keep your things (and you) on your side. Part of the adjustment process for college is coming to terms with having people be in your space essentially 24/7, and you won't help if you’re constantly diminishing or intruding on theirs. This also applies to property. Even if you have agreed with your roommate(s) that y’all can borrow each others things, ASK FIRST and respect their decisions. You may think that it's no big deal, but it's always better to send that text than to get in a passive aggressive sticky note war over using someone’s shampoo.
- Speak Up
- Not to reiterate ourselves, but T A L K to your roommates. Let them know what’s going on. Ask them if it’s alright if your friend visits this weekend and stays in your room. Request to borrow their biology textbook because you have no clue where you left yours (maybe Liz’s Place?). If someone sends you a care package, ask if they want a cookie. Also, talk to your roommate even if you don’t have a problem. It’ll be weird if you live with someone for a year and only talk to them when you have an issue. Talk about your classes, your favorite dining hall, hobbies, and plans for breaks. No one is expecting y’all to become best friends(!), but you should at least be nice and friendly.
- Conflict
- Something not often talked about, but inevitable. Odds are, you will have a disagreement and you need to know how to deal with them before you blow up at somebody! (A good way to prevent conflict is to actually talk about issues before they become actual problems!) Sometimes all it takes to diffuse conflict is to just bring up with your roommate what’s bothering you. If you’re calm and explain your feelings, most of the time you’ll be able to fix the issue. You can always speak to your RA and ask how to best approach the situation and get some advice.
Whew, that was a lot of information! Once again, we cannot stress enough how important communication is when having a roommate. If you have a hard time expressing your feelings and dealing with confrontation, that's completely understandable! But continuing to let things slide will only make the weight on your shoulders feel heavier. It is crucial that you build up the confidence to openly speak with your roommate(s) about what is bothering you. Not only will they appreciate you communicating with them, but you will be able to resolve the conflict with all cards laid out on the table. Living with someone 24/7 will be a big adjustment, and to those of you who are people pleasers (I get it), having a roommate will honestly force you to change your ways for the better! Communication is the key to a solid foundation of a roommate relationship. In less than a month you will be getting your first taste of roommate life (yay!!!), so we hope these tips are helpful. See y'all soon!
